Living Dangerously

The art of living dangerously is the only thing you can call what i have been up to since last week friday. On saturday i woke up quite early to clean up my flat and then i went shopping as the whole house was empty. I did not even have butter! Imagine that o. Cleaned and cooked a sumptous pot of stew. If you ever use to watch Maggi Family Menu on NTA way back in Naija ehn, i am sure Funmi Adeoye would have applauded my cooking.(if i dont blow my trumpet, who will?).
Later in the day i went for a women conference in church, i really did not feel like going because to be honest with you i think i have heardd enough about love and marriage to last me for a life time. But it was O.A's(ex) sister that insisted we MUST go. And go it was. It was really nice tho, very different from all the ''talk'' i have heard. The preachers did not spiritualize the issue of marriage.

She gave an example of a woman that used to beat her husband, all because she has papers and the husband doesnt. The husband went to report her to their pastor and asked for the pastor to disolve their marriage since she was the one that joined them in the first place. The pastor now asked the lady to come to her office with her husband to tell her side of the story.
Lets imagine i was there o, this was the conversation.

Pastor: why are you always beating your husband madam.

Wifey: He is a good for nothing old fool o, infact i have not beaten him yet o. Mo se se bere ni(i just started)

Pastor: what exactly are u aiming at mrs?

Wifey: I want to frustrate him to the point where he will beat me in return, then i will call the police and have him deported.

Pastor:(mouth wide open) deprt him ke? Why? E bad reach that one?

Wifey: beni ma. He is useless, no papers and he cant even work and contribute anythin to the upkeep of the house and kids.

Pastor: Did you not know all these before you agreed to marry him?

Pastor decided not to talk to wifey anymore, she faced husband and said the next time she lifts her hands to beat you sir. Beat her mercilessly and let them deport you. You will start a better life in Nigeria without this winch.(i am sure she did not use the word winch 0).

Chineke, i laughed so much tears were running down my cheeks in church on saturday. Some women sha.

Back to my living dangerously routine o jare, you wont believe that i have been drinking 2 bottles of coca cola everyday. Knowing very well that it isnt good for my health o. I just cant help myself, i need your prayers!!!!.

Bijou, i think we may have to go for the vacation in Spain sooner than we planned o. Ex is coming back to the UK for a 1 week course in London Business School. Na so the man call me tuesday night that he would be coming in 1st week in October and wants to stay with me! See me see trouble o. Alright the gist went thus

O.A: whats good madam? I dey come JD 1st week in October.

Temmy: Uhmn, for what again?

O.A: I have to attend a one week lecture and blah blah..........................................................

Temmy:ok that is good,abeg help me buy noodles when you dey come o.

O.A: no wahala. Meanwhile, can i stay with you for the one week?

Temmy: me? why me? why not....

O.A: the place is in Hendon and your crib is the closest. And eh, why are you talking like we have never stayed under the same roof before?

Temmy: yeah, but in the 5 years it was only when you lost your mum and it wasnt as if we were staying in the same room now just in the same house.
Moi was seriously looking for an excuse now.
I can arrange for your to stay at my place as i will be away in Leeds that week anyways.

Now i am stuck with going away to Leeds for an holiday that i truly deserve or just stay at a friend's till he leaves the UK.

Teva: shey you will be Chief Bride's maid? Calabar Gal, thanks for stopping by my blog. Bijou, prepare for our trip to Spain. Desola i will catch you ok.

Eewo

OMG! I had a lovely time today reading all your comments. Miguel!! You ehn, i know how and where to catch you. Desola is sure i am going back to EX.Uhmn. Now we have mind readers on bloggerville.Belle thinks some gists are missing......Naija Bloke is TOO sure i still like him.

Nneka, EX is paying cos he is feeling guilty. I am sure if he did not cheat, he wouldnt spend up to that on me. He will gently remind me that ''WE'' need to be saving for the wedding.

Buki: Thanks. What i need now is GOODLUCK!

Diamond: cheating doesnt necessarily mean the end of a relationship, darling you are right.But cheating on someone that thinks the sun rises and sets in your eyes is damn depressing.
Guilty pleasures? i had the time of my life and my dignity so much intact. He is paying for his sins darling. As for the dting agency, you are on.

Anonymous: gist did not get any fuzzy o,you really must like guluma(hausa word for gbeborun)lol..
Nothing happened.We got my booty inside my flat and i gave him a glass of water and called another cab for him. chikena!

Last line, i have made up my mind. It took me time to reach the decision to even tell him i know he cheated. That period was when i decided that i am better off without him. Truth is to trust him again is like trying to get water in the desert.

You all have a lovely weekend. I am going to spend mine with my phones off and some quality time with my sister.

Temmytayo

I am so glad that you all updated your blogs. I should have posted this since monday night but I have been busy at work. Belle, biko no vex ehn. Uhmnnnn.....what people can do for gbeborun.Lol.Anyways, if I try not to give y’all the gist some people are ready to skin my butts’. There is this saying that diamonds are a girl’s best friend but in TEMMY’S case shopping is the only thing I LOVE DOING! Ex called me on Thursday night and asked if will go shopping with him as he is going back to obodo Nigeria and he wants to buy shirts for work and other stuvvs. My ears no dey hear shopping, I agreed without too much pressure. The date was set for Saturday and we agreed to meet at the West End at 10am. Sure, I did not get there till 11.30(had to keep him waiting). I switched off my phones and he couldn’t get through to me till I called him at 11.30am that I was outside Topshop. He said he was in Topman, had to go meet him there. Boy, was he looking good? He was gorgeous! I jumped at him and gave him a kiss on the lips. I am sure my grandfather turned in his grave. No shame, I threw caution to the wind, I probably have really missed him. He was shocked; I could tell he was not expecting that sort of greeting from moi.To the main gist o that is how we started this spree, for every item EX picked, I must pick my own. From one shop to the other giggling like 2 teenagers in love (lie lie). I got to pick 6 tops And yes the addict in me sprang up when we got to Debenhams. I bought 20 lovely and sexy panties which I made sure EX picked all out. Frilly pink things ohh, you need to see my new collection of pantaloons as my sis calls them.Then we proceeded to the bags section in John Lewis and puhleease I only bought 2 bags and they were quite cheap. It isn’t like I wasn’t being considerate o before you start to think that I am wicked. All I was doing was to look and coo at the item and EX asks me, do you want that as well, and me batting my eyelids says yes if ''WE'' can still afford it.Well, we changed money at the local bureau de change so I knew money dey hin hand well well. If I no spend am now, na those silly gals for ABJ go spend the money. I topped it all up deliciously by buying shoes which EX insisited looks really nice on the jeans i was wearing, not that I like the shoes but he said he wanted me to have them!
We had to pick a cab from West End and he insisted on seeing me home. (He is a gentleman, after I don spend his money finish).As he was about leaving my house He said and I quote I still love you very much and I am sure that you thinking that I am trying to buy your love, I am not. You deserve more than whatever I bought for you today. I want you to have the ring I bought for you as well, as i can never bear to give it to another woman. Aaaaawgggghhhhhhhhh. Sad thing is i have gotten over the crying phase, i started to laugh.We hugged, he got into a cab and left.I sorted out my booty, took a long shower and i was about sleeping when i remembered he gave me the ring. I pulled it out of my bag and I couldnt resist wearing the ring, it was awesome. It felt so good to be wearing the ring,despite the fact that i slipped it on my self. Now i think i know what ladies feel when that special guy slips that ring on their finger!!!

I quickly removed it before the thing go con glue to my finger. I was turning it round and inside the ring was our initials:O and T etched on the inside of the ring. Now i couldnt stop the tears........ How so romantic of him but how so stupid of him to cheat as well. I am not going back to him that one is certain(that was me talking to myself).I called him an hour later to thank him for my things and i asked him how he got the ring inscribed with our initials, said he was not going to tell me. Asked him why and he said I may change my mind someday and he wants it to be a surprise. Dreamer!

I asked him what he wanted for xmas as it has been our ritual in the 5 years to always ask, as we both dont like surprises. Ex said he will think about it and call me back, i quickly told him that he should pay for my ticket to Spain for Xmas and the hotel accomodation. Deal, he said. My jazz is really working o, this boy is just agreeing to everything ke. He called me from the airport monday morning, i was not even aware he was leaving.

Him: babes, did you sleep well?
Moi: like a log, thanks once again for my things.
Him: hey, stop it. You have said thank you a million times already. You are making me feel like a nice person.
Moi: thnak God you know that you are not o.
Him: I have made up my mind on what i want for Xmas
Moi: and that is?(praying it wont be too expensive)
Him: YOU!
Moi? me?
Him: yes.
Moi: Lets talk when you get to Nigeria, i am runing late for work. Have a safe trip.
I have not been picking up his calls.
I wore my shoes to work today and carried one of the bags and everyone said i was looking bunzz.

That is the end of my gist! I am sure someone just hissed now: so this is what we have been waiting to read abi? Hee heee.

Another Monday

I don't like mondays.... i hate the beginning of the week, tho i love my job. There is nothing to blog about really,browsed round the blog world and NO ONE with a new post. Na so una all busy reach. Nneka, Naijabloke, belle,bijouxoxo,lifethroughrosetintedglasses,biodun,Mosaic,dilichi.... the list is endless. You guys no do me good o.

Teva,my Teva..... thank you jare.You made my day!

Gotta rush home now but make i no lie o. I get gist for y'all but until you all update........NO STORY!!!

FGF.. I need a feel good factor fast

I have not been as strong as y'all think. What is the point in lying to you guys and myself. I have been crying like an idiot for 5 days non stop now. Every phone call makes me cry, my mum being number one offender!

Backflip to Monday Nite:

Mum: how are you my dear?
Moi: i am fine mummy, how is everybody at home.
Mum: they are fine o, a dupe lowo Olorun. How is your new job my dear, i hope it isnt too stressful for you.
Moi: no mummy.
Mum: ehen jare, the reason why i called you is that i saw this green and yellow lace fabric yesterday when i went to my aunty's shop. I think it will be perfect for you and O.A(ex). For your engagement i mean. O fine gan.
Moi:Uhmn. When was the last time you spoke to O. A mum?
Mum: last week ni yen, i think. He said he was coming to se you in london. He is a good guy,omo dada ni. I wanted to send you noodles o but he said i shouldnt worry that he will buy two packs for you. Did he not bring the noodles?
Moi: he did.

Apparently, he did not tell my mum anything. He wants me to tell her abi. Very good of him to run away from another of his evil deeds!.I started thinking on what to tell mumsie, i couldnt think of anything.

Moi: sniffing as i was crying already.
Mum: My dear, what is wrong, are u ok? It must be that you have been exposing your chest to the cold.(trust my mum she always has an answer for all her questions).

Moi: yes mum. It was raining in the evening, and got caught in the rain that is why i am sniffing.
Mom: ok, pele oko mi. You will be fine, do u still have robb? Anyway, you can take care of your self. I will tell aunty that she should keep that lace for me. Infact i will tell OA as soon as he comes back to Abuja to come and see the fabric, abi ki lo feel.

Moi: Perfect! (God don catch him). Tell him ma. Mummy i have to go now. I will call you later. Bye.

I disconnected the call and i cried like a little boy that lost his football. At work, all i do is stare at my PC and before i know it tears are rolling down. Now it was so bad that yesterday i was crying on my seat and the Human Resources Manager told me she is ready to give me 4 days off work. She held me and said whatever is bothering you will be fine. Aaawghh..... another torrent of tears!
I need a feel good factor before i go crazy here.

On a lighter note,got this email from my childhood friend:
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend onthe circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you havea real grudge?
No, we have a carport, and not need one.
I mean, what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.But I no mind, She can have it!
Does your wife beat you up?No, I always up before her. I sleep only 6 hours.
Is your wife a nagger?No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce? She is going to kill me.
What makes you think that?I got proof.
What kind of proof?She is going to poison me. She bought a bottle at a drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read English, and it says:
"Polish Remover"

Part II

My peeps, i had so much fun reading all your comments. Hmmnnn....... anyways, i had a blisfull weekend. I was away in Kent with my cousins who stole me away from the EX! Like my cosuin said before packing my bags into his car '' if them born him well, let him show his face in my house i will skin him and feed him to crocs''. I never knew my cousin loved me that much you know. I have been walking on air since lol.

Anyways, 28 red roses(my age), a trinity ring(me, him and the other gals, abi), the tears didnt move me one inch.He came into the UK thursday night and came to see me.I met him outside my door. We sat down and talked for 3 hours with no interruption. He was doing the talking, i was doing the listening. He said he was sorry he slipped(note:not cheat), it was because of the distance and now he knows better. He has come to take me home.How very romantic!!

Then i said to him why blame the distance, you are working and you are comfortable enough to be married.If you asked me to marry you,woulda i said NO? Why did you tell my parents when you went to meet them in June 2006 that you are not toying with their daughter's life. That you were ready and willing to marry me as soon as i am done in the UK which is just in 8 months time. Two days before i found out that you were cheating on us, you still sent me an email prophesying your undying love for me. You know what, i want and i need a man that can handle stress, a man that is willing to see that I am the only one for him. Not someone that will make up a substitute for me anytime my back is turned. A man that can not stay true in a relationship is not man enough to do anything!!!!!!!!! We were both quiet for about 10minutes, i was fighting hard to hold back tears, if i should make the mistake of breaking down in front of him then i woulda been a loser.

After the10 minutes silence I said to him, i am going to ask you 3 questions and then you judge if ''this'' should continue.

The questions:
1: If you were the one outside the country do you think i am going to ''slip'' as well?
2. Do you think i am stupid?
3. Have you ever caught me or heard that in the 5 years that we were together that i cheated on you?

Since he answered NO to the three questions, the answer to his proposal of cos was a capital NO.

He held my hands for like ages, looking into my eys and said: I know i messed everything up, i know you have siad you are not going to marry me. But please, forgive me. What i see in you is hatred and disgust. Well, i said to him that i am hurting, i am angry and that forgiveness lies with God.(abi). He went on and on about me having to forgive him or else................. ok, you are forgiven o.

Saw him off to the train station which was bout 15 mins walk from my place. We held hands and laughed till we got to the station,tho i cant remember what he was saying but shey y'all know i said he makes me laugh. When we got to the station, we held each other for some minutes and he whispered in my ears that he knows without me his life is incomplete and blah and blah.

It doesnt work anymore sweetie, i have come out stronger i told him. I switched off my phones immediately he left, showered, held my teddies, sniffed my roses(at least they are mine till they die) and i decided to play my favourite Celine Dion CD. I cried and laughed at the same time till i fell asleep.
I still miss him but i am glad it is all over.

28 red roses, a trinity ring and a crying young man!

Hello peeps. I found myself sleeping lastnite with 28 red roses, a gold encrusted trinity ring, and my teddy. Boyfi is in the UK,came in thursday afternoon. Met him outside my flat after close of work,if you know how much i held back tears you will recommend me for the GCON award back home in Naija.

We said a cool hello and hugged. We go save the gist jare till tmrw na office i dey , just couldn't resist telling you he is around.
And hey, does anybody know the artist that sang the first song on Di and Dee's wedding webbie. www.dianddee.com

Please if you know abeg holla back quick quick o.

I am not a super woman!

My weekend wasn't good i am not going to lie. I cried buckets. I stayed in,didnt go to church, just crying.I thought love was meant to be forever. I decided to roll my heart down memory lane: I began to remember; the first day we met: i went with my friend that got married few blogs back to say hi to one guy that was so much on my case in Uni. He has been to the hostel a few times but i never just went to check on him. It was a saturday and we were bored,my friend and I decided to stroll down to his hostel.
As we were about entering the hostel, we saw him go through the other exit. We decided not to call him,not like i wanted to see him anyways.
I can remember vividly,we entered his room and met two guys playing chess. That was the day i first saw HIM. I felt this connection instantly,we talked and he made me laugh a lot that day. We did not see again for 3 months....

One sunny afternoon after a hard day's lecture another close friend of mine lets call her fofo,started shouting my name from outside.I have found your dream guy, i laughed and said in your dreams. Who is this guy that has swept fofo off her feet cos she was so excited. Lo and behold when she told me i was shocked. Same guyof 3 months ago. He will be coming to see you later today o,please dont be nasty to him cos i know how bitchy you can be temmy.

I felt so weak in the knees that evening when he walked into my room.That was the begining of the 5 years roller coaster. It was fun,it was full of love. We planned the names to give our 2 kids. Where we were going to live as we both detest the hustle and bustle of lagos, we decided Abuja is the perfect place.Honey moon was going to be in Dubai(cos i never stopped talking about Dubai,the guy had to agree by force). It was full of mystery until i came to the UK. The beginning of the woes........You know the rest.
Then his best friend sent this to me today:

Dear,
If someone hurts you, betrays you , or breaks your heart, forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them. Always learn from every situation and you will surely succeed.

I seriously have learnt a lot. I am not a super woman, i am hurting.My heart bleeds, but i am overwhelmed at the various words of encouragement from you guys. You have all helpmed me move on. I promise no more sad love story on this blog page till someone new comes up. Enough!

Meanwhile,on a final note. Ex is coming to the UK on thursday to beg me(so i heard). But since i promised no more sad love blog, you wont be able to hear the outcome. Lets concentrate on talking about football and politics. My two favourite subjects.
Thanks friends!

Everyone seems to think I should let EX know that he has been found out. Good thinking on the part of the people that made the suggestion. I kept saying at my own time.Time to confess: I was scared of letting him go. I was scared of admitting he cheated, he is still doing it and whatever.....
I kept acting as if everything was ok.
Lastnite,I called him.
Excerpts:(very soon I go dey write fo Nollywood,with all my excerpts skills)LOL

Temmy: How was work today?
Him:Twas fine,thank God. Urs?
Temmy:cool,thanks.
Temmy: I have been thinking..
Him:about?
Temmy:Us
Him:What about us?
Temmy: I think we are done.
Him:with?
Temmy:with us.
Him: what do u mean, are u......... (cut him short)
Temmy: I am ok,I am fine,I am making sense. I decided to let go of what can hurt me in 15 years time. I decided to untie myself from what has been hurting me for weeks. On a lighter note: I have decided to stop buying call cards every minute!
Him:U cant be serious
Temmy:I have never been this serious in my life.
Him: Have you thought about this.
Temmy:I have,a billion times. Since I found about O.B (the other lady).
Him: I am finished.(like hell he is).
Temmy:lets talk later, I have an early start in the morning. Sleep well.

Surprisingly, I did not cry.I deserve an applause. I slept like a log.Dreamt grandpa told me I should always pray before making any decision. (didn't my mum say it isn't good to see dead people in one's dreams) but I know grandpa wont hurt me now abi.
He called me back at 2am to ask if I was serious? Imagine! I said no,it was APRIL FOOL! Wake up sweetheart,it is the 1st of September and I am dead serious!
I disconnected the call and put my phone on silent. A gal needs her beauty sleep now. I woke up at 7am to find 27 missed calls and 10 text messages. 20 out of the missed calls was from boyfi. 3 from his best friend, I am sure he disturbed the poor boy's sleep.Wicked! 4 from his sister that lives here. Text messages from him says he can explain. Explain what???!!!!
I returned bestfriend's calls on my way to work. Didn't allow him talk, just greeted him warmly and told him to forget whatever he was planning to tell me.IT IS OVER.
Called his sister, I couldn't pull my James Bond trick with her tho. She said she is coming to see me later today.Wetin she wan talk now? ehn? This people should just leave me alone.


Another nice mail i got from my friend at work:

HEAR WHAT OPRAH WINFREY HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN


If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you, as you
deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think, "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you
any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you,
speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior.* Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.


All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when men always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.*
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.


Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...
You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices and to prepare herself.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them and
an entire lifetime to forget them