Oh well, to my concerned peeps I am not the one being abused but that statement was screamed down at me by one of my 3 best friends! Men! What do we do with and without them? That is just a very big question that I REALLY DO NOT KNOW the answer to.
Maybe I should start by telling you the whole story sef. I have been friends with my ''friend'' for my than 14 years so i can confidently say I know her very well. We have been through everything imaginable together, loving, being loved, heartbreaks, you name it. She had this perfect or well near perfect relationship when we were in Uni but somehow things just went wrong,thanks to the 2 people involved. (no shifting blames here).
Anyways,after the breakup, she has been in and out of relationships with people I can tag ''idiots'' if I am not being biased. I mean she is my friend I am supposed to support her anyhoo. As I dey talk sha, nothing came out of about 3 or 4 relationships and as women now, we always feel it is''our'' fault. I still dunno why women are like this sha.
I am even getting emotional, let me just cut the story short jare cos Mr husband here is wondering why I am not in bed at 12am. So she met this guy, perfect in all aspects. Treated her like a queen from the beginning and she fell hard and flat.
Well, I had my reservations from the onset but then in a situation where a woman is in her 30's and all her friends are married or in serious relatiosnhips then you know that it takes the grace of God not to fight if/when you give some unsolicited advise. So well i decided to keep praying for her.
But she noticed this guy doesn't like when she greets people on the street. She gave instances of meeting up with old Uni mates that are guys and this guy actually go bunkers just because she stopped to hug and say hello to men! What kain rubbish is this one I thot to myself. So there was a particular day she went shopping for the 2 of them oh and she had so many bags to carry, She was lucky enough to meet an old fried who volunteered to drop her at the nearest train station, while she was in his car, boyfriend called. She had to tell him she was even lucky she met someone who is dropping her at the station so he should meet her at the station and blah blah. She said I needed to hear all the guy said to her on the phone, swearing and cursing them both out. So sure she was cheating or how come she is always meeting someone that wants to help her and stuff.
So Mr husband to be asked my friend to move in with him and she did. Few weeks after, he proposed to her. Bummer you'd say abi? The petty fights over silly things never stopped. Fighting over staying too long on the computer, you talk too much with your friends. Why do you guys always say the same things when you talk( I have known women to repeat the same things over and over and we LOVE it, don't we?)
She said to me that this guy constantly hurls hurting words at her and then later go on his knees to say sorry. This is just mental and emotional abuse of a girl that is seeking love and attention from the man she loves.
There was a day she had serious menstrual cramps and she was in serious pain and crying, guy walks in from work and couldn't say any other thing apart from and I quote " you need to get a grip on yourself woman, you are not a baby''. For any woman out there that suffers from serious menstrual cramps I am sure you can imagine the pain!
As usual they had a heated argument one day and the guy actually shouted and said to her and I quote " I am so glad I have not married you oh.So this is the kind of woman that you are" I personally know that for me that would have been the final straw! I TOLD HER TO QUIT.Was that too much for me to say? Am I being insensitive to a lonely girl's plight?
17 comments:
No you are not being insensitive. You are just a concerned friend. She needs to move out of his house pronto!! One of the reasons why he is abusing her.It might have been a bleesing in disguise for her to know who he really is before she marries him....am sure he has a very low self-esteem or none at all. My ex-fiance was like that and I kicked his black ass to the curb. The only regret is that I gave back the diamond ring. I should have kept it or returned it to the jewelers and spend that money on my beautiful cute self. Men are cowards!!
Thanks jare, I have been thinking maybe I am not feeling what she is feeling.
Based on what you have said, it seems he is not the most 'emotionally available' person. If she is fine with that then okay. But, I hope she doesn't think marrying him will change him because marrying him could make things worse, especially if he is a control freak.
Best of luck to your friend. I wish her the best of luck whatever choice she makes.
O! M! G!
you friends NEEDS to RUN. She needs to become part of a counseling group that caters to abused women... because he is only going to get worse. Her husband will come... please continue to talk to her to leave this man... she needs to leave him!
This is such a difficult situation and you can't give an advice without them thinking, well it has worked out for you, so why wouldn't you give me such advice. The only thing you can do is pray for your friend and really advice her to work on her relationship with God. Because if she doesn't value herself, no one else will. And how comes they've moved in together without him actually getting married to her. Me thinks he was never interested in marrying her in the first place. If he loves her, he wouldn't be doing things that he knows hurt her. But then again some men are like that.
Just be the friend you have always been to her, and continue to share your testimony with her.
they r not married yet abi?? thank God...pls get as many people involved, friends and family..she needs to leave this guy TODAY..i know it is not easy but men if she is going thru this now already imagine wat will happen wen they get married...she will thank u one day..so no u r not being insensitive
i pray God gives her the strength to leave o...a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage...i dont care how old u are!
@Solomonsydelle: you got the right word, the guy is absolutely a control freak. Infact a total freaksef if one is going to be honest.
@Diamond: I know she has to run. It has to go about it that I do not know. Thanks hun.
@LOASCM: Oh well, u r right.SHe has to value herself before someone else can! So right.... so on point.
@Aloted: Thank you dearie. May just have to tell her mum if I can't handle it alone. I appreciate. Thanks.
Ok, this story sounds so much like my ex. You should give your friend time and she will make the decision of leaving herself. With my ex, it was fights over not picking the phone on time, greeting people in church, calling friends in naija, being on FB and the computer in general, running errands for my parents, and many more. It felt like a battlefield and not what was supposed to be a loving relationship. Was quite an ordeal and most people i tell my story too think i was very brave and patient.
I think your friend should leave him now, because it is not going to get better at least not while she's still with him. I understand that she might be in fear of not finding another man, or maybe she's just tired of searching. What I'd say is if she's a bible believing Christian then she should know that she's fearfully and wonderfully made, and in time the right man will find her and treat her like the jewel she is.
@JJ: thats some serious business. Let's just thank God you are out of it now.
I can totally relate with her thinking maybe she won't find anybody else. Life sha...
How mny times did you tell her to quit? Make it million times! Let her know that it's better to be alone than to be in an abuse relationship, this will get worse, I am sure of it and I am talking from experience of pple that have endured and quit when they could bear it any longer.
She can't change him but he will destroy her. She needs to run........... She can have a full life and get someone who can complement and respect her no matter how late. She needs to jaaaa
@Standtall:I am so worried for her. AndI think she feels a bird in hand.....but some men are not just worth the stress I swear.
ore, lets face it. ur friend is going no where. nothing you say to her will make her leave him. she may need to be shown some real pepper before she can summon the courage to go. Trust me, i have had friends in similar situations, and I talked till my mouth almost shifted. they will always go back. best thing is to hand the situation to God and let God give her the courage to leave him. its not easy, I dont know why, but for some reason, abused women tend to 'enjoy' the abuse... it is well, and the Lord will drag her away and usher her into her own destiny! amin
@Bimbylads:babes, you are so right!I just got off the phone and felt like banging my head on the wall. SHe just feels with time he is going to change. How now?
Will take your advise oh, more prayers and I know that will do it.
that nenstrual pain own is the camel breaker for me...he is a dick!!!! when his wife is in labor is that what he will say???
He is an ass
Hi Temmy Tayo,
I do not think you are being insensitive. Please tell your friend to leave that man pronto! You are her friend and she may not thank you for it but she will see what you mean later. Please please tell her. That is an abusive man and I believe your friend should not be made to take abuse.
Cheers
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