I woke up today wondering where and what i would have been without HIS unfailing love. There are times i have shoved HIS love back into HIS face by being so ungrateful, when i don't thank HIM enough. When I don't praise HIM enough for that little thing HE did.
Sometimes, sleeping and waking up peacefully, eating what I like at the time I want, having enough to spend at the time I want.... they all seems like little mercies. What if HE did not give me the grace to be able to sleep peacefully, the grace to have enough to spend and even waste on the frivolities of life.
There are times I fight with HIM so seriously that I wont talk to him for a day! I always ask HIM,if you truly LOVE me why would you allow all these things to happen to me. Do you take pleasure in me crying my eyes out? Why do you allow me to go through all those phases,if you think they are strengthening me then you are wrong! Totally wrong, because I always come out feeling totally useless and hating life more.
But today, I woke up at midnite to TALK to HIM. I told him how badly I h ave been hurting since Ex and I parted. I told him how I thought it was pointless telling HIM anything again since he kuku allowed that one to happen despite all my prayers. I told HIM that all my friends are married and I am always on the train, that I am always a bridesmaid but when will I become the BRIDE?
Then I stopped to think that why did I not at least thank HIM for life,if I were dead or in a hospital with my legs suspended will I even remember anything about getting married. If I was blind,will a man even give me a second look and what if I was deaf and dumb?
Then I read Zechariah 3 and then I asked HIM to forgive me. I have been a silly daughter. I asked HIM to take all my sins away and create in me a new heart to LOVE HIM MORE AND MORE.
I am sorry DADDY, I know you have forgiven me because I slept so soundly after our conversation. Dear GOD, please help me to love you more with each passing day.
What does Jesus mean to you? Have a fantabulous week!!