Saturday, 5 September 2009

Is Marriage By Force?

Sometimes I wonder why people think living abroad is the best thing that can happen to them. I know women that will die or most likely kill to marry a '' citizen''. Abeg, i need someone to tell me what the biggie about this is.

So I know this babe who is married with four kids. She has always wanted to marry a citizen and in fact a British one at that. At least we all know that with a British Pali you have less stress in going in nad out of other major developed countries. Anyways, her prayers were answered and she met Britico whom she married in less than 2 months.

They both moved to the UK, guy bought a 4 bedroom house, she got her passport,popped four ......kids in quick succession. Sad thing is as the years rolled bye, the marriage was dying gradually. First, the husband stopped paying bills, he later added the kids upkeep to his list of ''don't bother to do''. I mean, we all know that kids don't pay in the formative years for most basic things but shey na government go also buy them clothes and take them to Nandos or MacDonald's.

Since she kuku knew her motive right from the onset, complaining to people was really difficult. So she started suffering and smiling at the same time. What a life. Why bother to marry when your husband will never stay at home, why marry a man that doesn't care whether you go to work and never come back, why live with a man that will travel outside the country without telling you and he comes back in to the home like he just went to buy newspaper at the corner shop.


To make matters worse, husband sold the house one day and moved them all to a 2 bedroom flat in the outskirts of London. Bummer! He was smart enough to know that if she asks for a divorce there is every possibility that she gets the house or at least half of the guy's property.

As if that was not enough, after selling the house without her consent of course, he got a job in Canada, bought a pad and moved there without telling her! He just left the house like he normally does until a friend of the family saw him in Canada and informed the wife.

The good thing is he still maintains a solid relationship with his kids as he calls them often and he makes sure he buys them stuff anytime he decides to pop in to London. He has not asked his wife for a divorce and wife doesn't want to be labelled a divorcee either so she is taking things in stride. She is a married widow with a British passport! She can go to any country of her choice but she is not happy. She cries herself to sleep most times but that doesn't change anything. Sad...

Oya, tell me is it by force? There are a million women out there that despite hearing stories like this are still going to make the same mistake. It hurts me when I meet such women or even men sef....it hurts!

15 comments:

Ms. Catwalq said...

I feel that the dream of living abroad is born out of 1) the idea that the white man's land is so much better than yours 2)the exagerrated and/or falsified accounts of those who do live abroad and 3)the frustrations of living in a country like ours where systems are either failing or practically non existent.

With regards to your friend and her marriage, she is not alone. And that is the most depressing part. Everyone knows someone like that and they don't even have to cross the Atlantic to find her, she is in your very neighbourhood. It also does not help that we are an i-told-you-so culture before we rally around to help.

Nice Anon said...

Welcome to what i like to call LIFE!

Eknoreda said...

The scenario you painted is so sad and pathetic but its sooo true.I've come to understand that things are realllly bad for some people in naija that they really believe that the only hope they have is if they travel out of the country. This woman has no choice but to take her pali and make of her life what she will henceforth oh... no use in crying herself to sleep oh!

Marriage is not by force ooo, she should move on with her life oh and live.. only one life oh my sister!

justjoxy said...

This scenario happens all the time, even when both parties are original 'pali' holders.
A lot of women believe that getting married validates them as being successful.Societal attitudes reinforce this belief, so you see women getting hitched for all the wrong reasons.

Anonymous said...

"So she started suffering and smiling at the same time." at least, she ain't complaining (she is *obviously* okay with what she has) and 'he' is also not complaining (he probably also got what he wanted) "...he still maintains a solid relationship with his kids..."

Ultimately, if one is not happy with oneself (personally, career-wise et al) marriage, 'overseas' (oops, British passport) will not remedy the situation.

Let's first of all learn to be happy with ourselves.

Lady A said...

That was so mean of him. Sounds like a woman was in his ear and he has been plotting and planning all along. It's so important to get married for the right reasons, but she'll make it!

Myne Whitman said...

Too bad about the woman, I won't add na she do herself. Marriage is not by force whether in naija or away, shine your eyes well well.

As for the rest, Catwalq has said it very well

temmy tayo said...

@Catwalq: it is also sad to know that people do not listen until you are forced to say ''i told you so''. Thanks for your contribution hunny!

@Nice Anon: sad right?

@Eknoreda: I pray she listens to her folks andmove on.

@Justjoxy: isnt that so annoying? When are women going to learn that marriage is not a certificate to happiness?

temmy tayo said...

@Rethots:that is the greatest help. love your self first b4 u can love somebody else.

@Lady A:Amen o, thanks for stopping by.

@Myne whitman. very true.

Buttercup said...

If I'm to come up with an excuse for said women, it would be because they want a better life. But really, a 'better life' at the expense of one's happiness..where's the sense in that? Na wa for the man sha! Seems like he knew her motive all along..

Anonymous said...

its an unfortunate story, but one that can happen anywhere... not necessarily overseas only.

Rosie said...

Hmmmmm. Sad story. I can't comment since no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors in a marriage. But you what they say, "if you marry for money/paper, you earn every penny."

Anonymous said...

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
perhaps the guy found out the real reason she married him!!!as nice anon said LIFE

Afrobabe said...

Funny enough I think she should count her blessing as she has the best of both worlds....being married without the cleaning after man that it entails!!!

FFF said...

c'est la vie!!!!!!! shit happens in marriage, i tell u! @ least, d chick married 4 d benefits she tot she'd get & she did get. wot abt those who wholly married 4 love, & got dealt rubbish d entirety of their married life?? stuff happpen, my dear