Shower like a woman

How to Shower Like A Woman:

Take off clothes and place them in sectioned laundry basket according to lights and darks.Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband/boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts etc.
Get in the shower.Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumicestone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced

.Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.Turn off shower.Squeeze off all wet surfaces in shower.Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.Dry with towel the size of a small country.Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband/boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How to Shower Like A Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in apile.Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife/girlfriend along the way, shakewilly at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy andscratch your bum. Get in the shower. Wash your face.Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum,leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower.Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife/girlfriend, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

You need to see the way i just cracked up after reading this.Apologies to men o but we all know it is true.

My heart goes out to the families of the crash victims, especially Alhaji Shehu Shagari. That man has seen enough tragedy in his life time. There was a time he lost about six kids in one day, can't really remember the story now. May God console them all.

Back to moi, nothing new. Called Nigeria immediately I heard about the crash. You know that yours truly has her family in Abuja, the story when it came out on CNN was sketchy, all I heard was plane, abuja, crash.
I was nearly weeing in my pants cos I know my father is always jumping around. That man never stay in one place.

I grabbed my phone to call my mum, MTN says the number you dialed is not available. I started crying. Called my sister in Lagos, she said she has notheard anything yet. I dropped the phone, thought about calling popsie himself instead of killing myself with worry. He picked up on the third ring, heaving a sigh of relief:

Moi: daddy where are u?
Dad: we just got back from church.
Moi: where is mommy, I have been calling her.
Dad: she is in the kitchen:
Moi: did you hear about the plane crash?
Dad: where? when?
Moi: in abuja now. Daddy thank God you are all fine. I will talk to you tomorrow.
Dad: Ose omo dada, let me watch CNN now.

I had to quickly discharge popsie so that I can call Ex and Wale. Those ones too are always flying. I called and I was the one that woke Ex up from sleep. He wasn't aware of any crash, told him to watch CNN and I hung up. Thank God!

Called Wale, the silly boy picked up and said: sweetheart I am fine. I knew you were going to call. Imagine o... such a pig headed thing he is. Laughing so hard, I hung up.

Took a long shower in the afternoon and I slept!. What a day...